Anytime one moves to a new place, one must learn new vocabulary. It is simply a necessity in order to get your point across or just simply to understand what's going on. Here are a couple of my new phrases or words:
-A**munch- a favorite of A's. This one is particularly useful when the tenth person in five minutes has cut you off in their 1976 Oldmobile Cutlass which is obviously not insured or some old dude of a certain age is barrelling so far up your ass while driving that he can tell you the state of your small intestine in his ginormous pick up truck, only to speed out from behind you, pass you, get in front of you (none of this with any signals) and proceed to slam on the brakes.
-Git wid yeur administraaaation
-aksed
Wednesday, February 28, 2007
Thursday, February 22, 2007
The most expensive cutting board EVER!!!
So A and I now own the most expensive cutting board ever!!!! Ever you ask? Yup, ever. $180USD ever!!!
A couple of weeks ago prior to the buying of the Middle America Car (see above post), A got it into his head that we needed a cutting board. This isn't just any cuttingboard. Nope, this is from a restaurant supply store. Amongst other things A is a kitchenware snob. He once said that he considered a deal to be a $65USD sauce pan. Yup, that's my man. So he trotted off to one restaurant supply store and discovered they were more into selling big hunks of cheese rather than kitchenware. Now, I'm into cheese as much as the next guy but not 10lbs blocks of it in my refrigerator for the greater part of 2007. So after two weeks of sharing one vehicle between us (it became a daily ritual of exchanging spit and vehicle), he was feeling a little housebound so he decided he was going to drive me to work and keep the truck during the day. He said the night before that he was going to regret it...little did he know how true that statement would be!!!
So he dropped me off at work after swearing for the greater part of an hour on the morning commute, saying how "this is why I work nights" and demi-yells of "long pedal to the right, people." I, on the other hand, just put my chair back, closed my eyes and enjoyed the morning drive in. I'd been doing the commute for two weeks already so I had little sympathy. He dropped me off at work.
At 8: 45am I get the call. He had gone to the store, walked in, bought the cutting board, and exited to find some black guy standing near his truck and then making a run for it. He got in and starting driving. Damn!! The 3rd door window was cracked. Apparently in downtown Detroit the car thieves wander around with bricks in their jackets so they can break windows and steal the cars. Another minute or two later and A wouldn't have been an owner of his truck. This is why we are now the not-so-proud owners of the most expensive cutting board ever!!!
Now the statistic that I've heard is that the average family income in Detroit is about $19,000USD (about $22800). Now I don't know what they consider the average family to be made up of but I cannot imagine trying to make it with a family of 4 on $19 000USD/year. Someone told me not to believe what I see out there on the streets with respect to people's vehicles and that often the vehicle on is driving has absolutely nothing to do with the person inside because so many people have family discounts or receive discounts from their friends on their vehicles that it just doesn't match with the reality. One person said that they were intrigued by a vehicle they had seen and when they tried to take a picture of it the driver took evasive action because he'd stolen the prototype car from his employer!!! I'm going on a course in April all about Detroit so I'm sure I'll be full of even more facts and figures by then. Be afraid!!! Be very afraid!!!
A couple of weeks ago prior to the buying of the Middle America Car (see above post), A got it into his head that we needed a cutting board. This isn't just any cuttingboard. Nope, this is from a restaurant supply store. Amongst other things A is a kitchenware snob. He once said that he considered a deal to be a $65USD sauce pan. Yup, that's my man. So he trotted off to one restaurant supply store and discovered they were more into selling big hunks of cheese rather than kitchenware. Now, I'm into cheese as much as the next guy but not 10lbs blocks of it in my refrigerator for the greater part of 2007. So after two weeks of sharing one vehicle between us (it became a daily ritual of exchanging spit and vehicle), he was feeling a little housebound so he decided he was going to drive me to work and keep the truck during the day. He said the night before that he was going to regret it...little did he know how true that statement would be!!!
So he dropped me off at work after swearing for the greater part of an hour on the morning commute, saying how "this is why I work nights" and demi-yells of "long pedal to the right, people." I, on the other hand, just put my chair back, closed my eyes and enjoyed the morning drive in. I'd been doing the commute for two weeks already so I had little sympathy. He dropped me off at work.
At 8: 45am I get the call. He had gone to the store, walked in, bought the cutting board, and exited to find some black guy standing near his truck and then making a run for it. He got in and starting driving. Damn!! The 3rd door window was cracked. Apparently in downtown Detroit the car thieves wander around with bricks in their jackets so they can break windows and steal the cars. Another minute or two later and A wouldn't have been an owner of his truck. This is why we are now the not-so-proud owners of the most expensive cutting board ever!!!
Now the statistic that I've heard is that the average family income in Detroit is about $19,000USD (about $22800). Now I don't know what they consider the average family to be made up of but I cannot imagine trying to make it with a family of 4 on $19 000USD/year. Someone told me not to believe what I see out there on the streets with respect to people's vehicles and that often the vehicle on is driving has absolutely nothing to do with the person inside because so many people have family discounts or receive discounts from their friends on their vehicles that it just doesn't match with the reality. One person said that they were intrigued by a vehicle they had seen and when they tried to take a picture of it the driver took evasive action because he'd stolen the prototype car from his employer!!! I'm going on a course in April all about Detroit so I'm sure I'll be full of even more facts and figures by then. Be afraid!!! Be very afraid!!!
Tuesday, February 20, 2007
The Journey
Well, I guess to tell the story one must start at the beginning. I left Ottawa....with suitcases, musical instruments, cleaning supplies (cause apparently they don't have those in Detroit- which shall become clearer with context), jarred peaches, a Samsonite luggage carrier with wheels, my mother and a Beta fish named Gordon in a rental car. We stayed at my friend's house in St. Catherines (thank you B) and I learned an enormous amount about skateboarding (thank you, little B. I've been fully educated on the world of Ollies now).
Where did I go? The burbs of Detroit. Yup, Detroit, one of the miligned cities in America. And believe it or not... I asked for it. Yes, I actually asked if I could move to Detroit. When I told one of my friends about moving to Detroit she said that her friend had commented "quelques fois les choses sonts plus étranges outrelac que outremer." (translation from French: Sometimes are stranger over the lake than they are overseas). This is my tale of being over the lake...or in this particular case, over the Detroit River.
We drove from Ottawa to Windsor, Gordon, my mother and I. First stop, the mall in Windsor which luckily enough was also the location of the car rental place which we showed up at at precisely 2:49pm. It closed at 3pm. I always was the queen of the last minute. After driving around for a bit, my boyfriend A showed up. Now, given some of the above listing of materials in the car (it was a Malibu), and for those of you who know my mother, you can imagine just how full that car was. One must always kiss one's significant other and reassure both of you of your love and commitment for one another before allowing said significant other to see said amount of stuff in said car on a Sunday at 2:55 when one must unload one's rented car and transfer all materials therein into said significant other's truck to cross the border at the busiest border crossing in North America as said boyfriend has visions of having his vehicle torn apart by bitter angry customs types (I can say this with the greatest respect).
Luckily after all was said and done, the customs types had very little interest in the truck or my livestock and we were on our way after a short half-hour stint in US Immigration. It's amazing how little interest is taken in one's livestock after it has been made clear that the individual has spoken to three US Fish and Wildlife Officials to obtain a permit for one little Beta Fish. You know that if I didn't have the one little paper, they would have ripped the truck apart and made me dispose of my lovely pet Gordon.
In the end we got to the house and it was great!!
I bought a car a couple of weeks ago. Nice little 2002 Silver Honda Accord SE. I feel like I now belong to the Silver Honda Accord Club- just me and 5 million of my closest Silver Honda Accord driving buddies. Say hi to them as you cruise down the highway and think of me!! Funniest part of it all is the new staulker I have acquired. Staulker Tim calls me at least twice a day to find out if my paperwork is done for my registration of the vehicle. He leaves me a message everyday but he always seems to forget his own phone number. Now, I don't know how many of you remember Leon the Ladies Man from Saturday Night Live but he always said, "I wanna git wid you" to every woman he met. Well, Staulker Tim uses that phrase...sorta... It's something like this: "you gotta git wid yur administraaaation" and I'll I can think of is Leon going "I wanna git wid you, I wanna git wid you." Now I like the folks in the Administration at work, but they are really "gittin' wid" material (for me anyways).
Where did I go? The burbs of Detroit. Yup, Detroit, one of the miligned cities in America. And believe it or not... I asked for it. Yes, I actually asked if I could move to Detroit. When I told one of my friends about moving to Detroit she said that her friend had commented "quelques fois les choses sonts plus étranges outrelac que outremer." (translation from French: Sometimes are stranger over the lake than they are overseas). This is my tale of being over the lake...or in this particular case, over the Detroit River.
We drove from Ottawa to Windsor, Gordon, my mother and I. First stop, the mall in Windsor which luckily enough was also the location of the car rental place which we showed up at at precisely 2:49pm. It closed at 3pm. I always was the queen of the last minute. After driving around for a bit, my boyfriend A showed up. Now, given some of the above listing of materials in the car (it was a Malibu), and for those of you who know my mother, you can imagine just how full that car was. One must always kiss one's significant other and reassure both of you of your love and commitment for one another before allowing said significant other to see said amount of stuff in said car on a Sunday at 2:55 when one must unload one's rented car and transfer all materials therein into said significant other's truck to cross the border at the busiest border crossing in North America as said boyfriend has visions of having his vehicle torn apart by bitter angry customs types (I can say this with the greatest respect).
Luckily after all was said and done, the customs types had very little interest in the truck or my livestock and we were on our way after a short half-hour stint in US Immigration. It's amazing how little interest is taken in one's livestock after it has been made clear that the individual has spoken to three US Fish and Wildlife Officials to obtain a permit for one little Beta Fish. You know that if I didn't have the one little paper, they would have ripped the truck apart and made me dispose of my lovely pet Gordon.
In the end we got to the house and it was great!!
I bought a car a couple of weeks ago. Nice little 2002 Silver Honda Accord SE. I feel like I now belong to the Silver Honda Accord Club- just me and 5 million of my closest Silver Honda Accord driving buddies. Say hi to them as you cruise down the highway and think of me!! Funniest part of it all is the new staulker I have acquired. Staulker Tim calls me at least twice a day to find out if my paperwork is done for my registration of the vehicle. He leaves me a message everyday but he always seems to forget his own phone number. Now, I don't know how many of you remember Leon the Ladies Man from Saturday Night Live but he always said, "I wanna git wid you" to every woman he met. Well, Staulker Tim uses that phrase...sorta... It's something like this: "you gotta git wid yur administraaaation" and I'll I can think of is Leon going "I wanna git wid you, I wanna git wid you." Now I like the folks in the Administration at work, but they are really "gittin' wid" material (for me anyways).
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